What are the most important values of men? Does it value honesty? Obligation? Generosity? Sacrifice? Personal growth? Do he and your daughter agree on the “big things” like kids, career goals, etc.? Do they generally want the same things out of life? Ask them if they talked about each other`s passions, hopes and dreams, what the future might look like. Make sure both go in the same direction. Even if your family is on board, is it his? You want to make sure they are. What do they think of your daughter? Do they support that commitment? Do you have any concerns? If this is the case, be careful and discuss these issues with your daughter`s potential fiancé. Marriage licenses in the five counties require spouses-to-be to list their biological parents and certify there are “no legal barriers to marriage,” according to the city clerk`s office. Help him understand that the question of whether he would marry himself is not “past” or “failed.” They do not demand that he defend or rationalize his past mistakes. You will not judge him or repeat what he shares. He must feel safe to open up and deal honestly and directly with this issue. To facilitate this safe space, I encourage you to first share some of your struggles you faced at his age. Encourage your future son-in-law to receive a premarital education.
Focus on the Family has a program called Ready to Wed. We designed this for engaged couples who can spend with a mentor couple. For more information, see www.ReadyToWed.com. Murphy isn`t just my daughter: he`s my princess. I think newlyweds should be financially independent of their parents. An important part of marriage is God`s command to “forsake his mother and father” (Genesis 2:24). A newlywed couple cannot “leave” mom and dad if the couple still depends on them for housing or financial support. If the husband and wife are unable to support themselves financially or live at home, I would question their willingness to marry. The second category of women are the wives of their children. This is due to the words of Allah SWA: “(You are also forbidden) the wives of your sons, who are of your loins, (Al nisa:23)”. Therefore, a man is prohibited from marrying a woman who has married her son or grandson or below, and she is prohibited by the contract to which she is bound. Yes! That`s right.
You must have heard of people marrying girls of different religions, castes and beliefs. But have you ever heard of a law that allows a man to have his daughters? The fourth type of women prohibited because of mixed marriages are the daughters of wives, that is, daughters-in-law, even if they do not live with the father-in-law. A girl is forbidden to her mother`s husband after the mother marries her, since the mother is forbidden, then it is due to a marriage contract with the daughter, as already mentioned, and this is due to the word of Allah SWA: and your daughters-in-law, who are under your care, your wives with whom you lied, but if you have never been with them, it is not your fault (Al Nisa 23), that is, those daughters-in-law who live with her mother`s husband. Has your potential son-in-law seen your daughter when she is stressed? Did she see him when he was grieving or frustrated? Ask them if they had a variety of relationship experiences, saw each other near family and friends, went on daily errands or big parties, attended weddings and funerals, and sat at the table. Are they compatible in all these different situations? Don`t be afraid to ask deep, even curious questions: after all, he wants to marry your daughter. You have the right to be curious. “Have you had times when you have felt distant from God?” you might ask. “How did you manage this season?” Or, “What has God taught you recently?” “What church will you go to when you are married?” The girl says they`ve been together for nearly two years — since she lost her virginity to her father just days after reuniting him — and that they are planning, albeit unofficially, to marry and move to New Jersey, where she says adult incest is legal. The list goes on.
A proposal could hide a number of important issues. And while a red flag doesn`t necessarily mean a marriage is doomed to fail before it even begins, it does mean that all parties need to be very careful going forward. Encourage them to initiate individual and couple consultations before giving them your blessing. But that doesn`t mean I will bless the union. And if I hadn`t been able to give Jordan my blessing, I`d be honest with him. I will tell him why and I will detail it. I would encourage him to seek help in addressing my concerns and to reassess my position if he took these necessary steps. I hope he believes it`s worth fighting for my daughter and that he would do anything to earn not only her love, but mine. I would even offer to help her as a mentor if my daughter was open to this relationship.
The evidence of the daughter-in-law`s prohibition is not determined by the fact that she lives in the same house as her mother`s husband. After the rest of the Ayah, Allah says: (but if you have never been with them, it is not your fault). This shows that daughters-in-law are only forbidden if the man has consummated the marriage with his mother. If he has not consummated the marriage with his mother, then it is not a sin for him to marry his daughter, and this decision is not made because of the daughter-in-law who lives in the same household or with her father. Of course, you want to assume that your daughter and the man who wants to marry her “love each other” and that they enjoy spending time together. But why? Ask her if your daughter is one of her best friends. It`s just as important to ask him if they also give each other space – honestly transparent with each other and reveal who they are inside. You can also join the National Coalition to End Child Marriage in the US and ask your friends and family to take these steps too.
There is no win-lose situation in marriage. A couple will win or lose together. Your goal is to better understand how they work as a team and encourage your future son-in-law to always treat your daughter as an equal partner. But did you know that only four US states meet this standard and that the federal government provides an exception for child marriage in cases of legal rape? Equality Now works globally to end child, early and forced marriage by leveraging our legal expertise to support partners, individual cases and legislative efforts. The United States should be no exception. In the end, it`s your daughter – not you – who chooses her husband. I`ve been thinking about you for 24 years. And I can truly say that you are everything I want for my daughter. Thank you for preparing for your life`s role – Murphy`s husband. In this sublime Qur`anic expression (and your daughters-in-law who live in your houses), the daughter-in-law is the daughter of the woman whose marriage has been consummated, and the verse does not say “the daughters of your wives” to attract the attention of the listener and the feelings of the mother`s husband that the daughter-in-law is now in his care, her responsibility and protection, So her mother`s husband should be the one who takes care of her, spends on her and raises her. He had to treat her as his own daughter of his own blood, completely in the same educational system.
I wanted you to know that I am giving you 100% my blessing by asking for Murphy`s hand in marriage. I see how well you fit in with our daughter and that you are not only good for her – but she is also good for you.